Each day we face problems, but little do we forget that they are a result of choices we make every moment of our lives, conscious or not. I explore this complex, rhetorical question through my own life experiences, observations of others, along with listening and understanding others' life stories as well.
From my roots in Toledo, Ohio, to the Capitol steps in Washington, DC, from the hills of San Francisco, and finally, to the harmonious bliss I achieved in Barcelona, I share not only what I learned about myself and my function in a complex world, I explore and explain how the choices we make divinely interconnect us on earth. Problems happen along the way, but how we deal with them, become one with them, help us all make the world a better place through enhanced understanding, caring, and compassion.
More importantly, from the raw emotions of my own experiences, I hope to help you facilitate change from within rather than letting labels and expectations of outside sources define who you are. While we all need a significant amount of influence in our lives, the only one responsible in the end is... YOU, and the choices you make.
Furthermore, instead of viewing life situations as problems, I hope to positively show how they can be turned into learning opportunities that lead to growing more emotionally mature and help you pave the road to inner peace. LIVE - by seeing things for yourself. LEARN - as much as you can from your mistakes and bad choices. SHARE - how you have lived and what you have learned. And teach yourself how to say and know when ENOUGH truly is enough.
How does one start? You don't "start"; you dive right into it.
Here's my story...
(to be continued)
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Epilogue
I am still getting used to the sounds of San Francisco, the feel of US currency, the taste of American-style coffee, the smell of the Pacific Ocean breeze, and being able to fully understand ALL indistinct conversations around me. It makes me wonder if I did come back to "life as I know it", or did I come back to an entirely different life all together?
Cities and cultures never change... well, they won't change in 5 months. Myself, on the other hand, has changed borderline dramatically. Though having been miles apart, I feel like the bonds between my friends and family back at home have become stronger. I've already let negative influences get removed from my life like the latest thunderstorm. Some people I know I will never talk to again because the new Me isn't compatible with the way they would continue to treat me.
It's really hard to rush to judgments on things right now, but these are my initial observations after returning to a nearly different life. I will always remember what my life was like before, cherish all the memories I made, and relive some of the nightmares that all have made me into the person I am today.
Do I regret anything I've done? Hell no. Should I regret some things? Maybe, but still.. hell no. Will I regret anything I have done? Probably not. While all the concepts (abstract and concrete) that I have learned over the last several months are still materializing and making better sense as the days and hours progress, I do know that I have faced my biggest enemy in Prague, and he now lies dead at the bottom of the Vlata River, and he can't hurt me or anyone else ever again. That person was my (old) self. The harmless, innocent, and caring person I have become busted out of that shell, and I blossomed with the spring time in Europe... surrounded by my favorite flowers everywhere: lilacs.
The biggest thing I have learned is the difference between: 1) accepting the things I cannot change, and 2) having the courage to change the things that I can. Also, I have learned the difference between Real Problems and Real Choices. This wisdom is powerful, and I promise to use my enthusiastically eccentric personality to let other people in this world know that no matter where, what, why, or how...
EURO GONNA BE OKAY!
Cities and cultures never change... well, they won't change in 5 months. Myself, on the other hand, has changed borderline dramatically. Though having been miles apart, I feel like the bonds between my friends and family back at home have become stronger. I've already let negative influences get removed from my life like the latest thunderstorm. Some people I know I will never talk to again because the new Me isn't compatible with the way they would continue to treat me.
It's really hard to rush to judgments on things right now, but these are my initial observations after returning to a nearly different life. I will always remember what my life was like before, cherish all the memories I made, and relive some of the nightmares that all have made me into the person I am today.
Do I regret anything I've done? Hell no. Should I regret some things? Maybe, but still.. hell no. Will I regret anything I have done? Probably not. While all the concepts (abstract and concrete) that I have learned over the last several months are still materializing and making better sense as the days and hours progress, I do know that I have faced my biggest enemy in Prague, and he now lies dead at the bottom of the Vlata River, and he can't hurt me or anyone else ever again. That person was my (old) self. The harmless, innocent, and caring person I have become busted out of that shell, and I blossomed with the spring time in Europe... surrounded by my favorite flowers everywhere: lilacs.
The biggest thing I have learned is the difference between: 1) accepting the things I cannot change, and 2) having the courage to change the things that I can. Also, I have learned the difference between Real Problems and Real Choices. This wisdom is powerful, and I promise to use my enthusiastically eccentric personality to let other people in this world know that no matter where, what, why, or how...
EURO GONNA BE OKAY!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Next Time, Forever
The first time I lay eyes on you, you intrigued me
The first time you spoke to me, I was enthralled and entertained
You made me laugh in the gloomiest times
You made me smile at your mysteriousness
I got wet feet, but never cold feet
No matter what I did, you were always on my mind
Barcelona, I am smitten, but what else about you will I find?
The second time we reconnected, I promised more openness
You taught me how to laugh at myself
I danced and cartwheeled on the ground you walked
I had so much fun, I forgot how to appreciate that ground
We parted again and the pain was flooring
Barcelona, I've fallen for you, but will you love me in the morning?
The next time, our souls intertwined
We understand each other much better now
However, I've accepted to let you go for we would never be
I set myself free, you did too
We must go on now, in our new separate paths
Barcelona, I feel lonely, but whole. How do we survive the aftermath?
I came to you one more time
I learned to love, trust, laugh, share and live... fully
I love myself so much, you too, more than you'll ever know
I've never felt more alive and self-fulfilled
You deserve every last bit of my attention and love, and more
The next time we're together, I promise it will be forever
Barcelona, you are my soul mate. I can't bear to lose you again, ever!
The first time you spoke to me, I was enthralled and entertained
You made me laugh in the gloomiest times
You made me smile at your mysteriousness
I got wet feet, but never cold feet
No matter what I did, you were always on my mind
Barcelona, I am smitten, but what else about you will I find?
The second time we reconnected, I promised more openness
You taught me how to laugh at myself
I danced and cartwheeled on the ground you walked
I had so much fun, I forgot how to appreciate that ground
We parted again and the pain was flooring
Barcelona, I've fallen for you, but will you love me in the morning?
The next time, our souls intertwined
We understand each other much better now
However, I've accepted to let you go for we would never be
I set myself free, you did too
We must go on now, in our new separate paths
Barcelona, I feel lonely, but whole. How do we survive the aftermath?
I came to you one more time
I learned to love, trust, laugh, share and live... fully
I love myself so much, you too, more than you'll ever know
I've never felt more alive and self-fulfilled
You deserve every last bit of my attention and love, and more
The next time we're together, I promise it will be forever
Barcelona, you are my soul mate. I can't bear to lose you again, ever!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Halfway home, figuratively
My adventure through Eastern Europe has come to an end. It's rather bittersweet.
I'm glad to be back in a city where I can understand random chatting along the streets, signs in shop windows, and simply just being able to be understood by others if I am lost. Back East, I played a lot of charades and spent lots of time in silence except when I ran into an English speaking traveler. While their words were music to my ears, they lack the understanding of the culture of which I became a voyeur. If I found expats, I connected to their hip!
Eastern Europe, at first, scared me. It turns out it was the best trip of my life where I learned a whole heck of a lot of stuff about me. I know how I have changed, but I'm sure there are things I haven't noticed yet.
However, I noticed today, in my first few hours back in Spain, that I have become a MUCH better listener. After spending nearly 5 full weeks in silence, you really start to appreciate what people have to say. Not that I was a horrible listener before, just now, it shows that I am actually listening, processing, analyzing, and producing a genuine response... and it makes all the difference in the world... even if I don't understand most of what is being said.
Again, this is how we learn, teach, and share. Nothing in this world is separate; it is all divinely and intricately interconnected... and I can prove it without proving a thing.
I'm glad to be back in a city where I can understand random chatting along the streets, signs in shop windows, and simply just being able to be understood by others if I am lost. Back East, I played a lot of charades and spent lots of time in silence except when I ran into an English speaking traveler. While their words were music to my ears, they lack the understanding of the culture of which I became a voyeur. If I found expats, I connected to their hip!
Eastern Europe, at first, scared me. It turns out it was the best trip of my life where I learned a whole heck of a lot of stuff about me. I know how I have changed, but I'm sure there are things I haven't noticed yet.
However, I noticed today, in my first few hours back in Spain, that I have become a MUCH better listener. After spending nearly 5 full weeks in silence, you really start to appreciate what people have to say. Not that I was a horrible listener before, just now, it shows that I am actually listening, processing, analyzing, and producing a genuine response... and it makes all the difference in the world... even if I don't understand most of what is being said.
Again, this is how we learn, teach, and share. Nothing in this world is separate; it is all divinely and intricately interconnected... and I can prove it without proving a thing.
Monday, May 11, 2009
All The Small Things
Today is a day that will stay with me forever. I visited the concentration camp called Auschwitz-Birkenau in southern Poland today. The camp was responsible for the deaths of over 1.4 million people during World War II.. mostly Jews, but included Gypsies, homosexuals, Soviet POWs, and many other European nationalities.
You see the barracks in which they were held prisoner. You see the poor and near unbearable living conditions in which they lived. You see how little food they were given each day despite the expectation of performing hardcore slave labour. You see the posts from which they are hung. You walk the tunnels and darkness of hallways in which they were crammed and treated like completely sub-human creatures as if they had no hopes, dreams, desires, and aspirations. Their lives meant nothing in the eyes of the Third Reich, and the people of whom put them in power fully supported the extermination of Jews, Gypsies, and Homosexuals in Europe during World War II.
Never again will I complain about something as trivial as tomato accidentally being put on my sandwich. Never again will I get upset about someone driving or walking too slow in front of me, even if it's making me late. Never again will I forget to tell someone how much I love them, and what they truly mean to me, nor let them forget it. Never again will I allow someone to be bullied and be treated less than human. Never again will I take someone or something for granted.
Despite it being 60 years after these camps being closed, you walk around and feel the death, terror, and suffering that occurred in between the barbed wired fences. Off in the distance you hear trains and imagine people being transported there in large numbers where about 1/4th of the people didn't even survive the trip. Those that did were taken right to the gas chambers usually. In order to reduce panic, they were told they were going to "shower". Some were burnt completely alive.
There are dozens of visitors over the several acres of the camps, but they all observe in silence as they try to process the atrocities. The unexpected cry of a child breaks the silence, and sends a huge chill down your spine. The winds howls; the leaves bristle loudly as if they are trying to talk to you. Rain clouds cover the sky; the sun disappears... along with your shadow... just as easily as all the people who perished in these camps.
No words I type can properly express the feelings I felt this day... none. Today really is the first day of the rest of my life. I will never see life in the same light again... ever. Each day will be a new chance to make something better, and to make something better the best, for myself and as many others as I can.
I challenge you to do the same if you aren't already. After all, it's all the small things that make life worth living.
You see the barracks in which they were held prisoner. You see the poor and near unbearable living conditions in which they lived. You see how little food they were given each day despite the expectation of performing hardcore slave labour. You see the posts from which they are hung. You walk the tunnels and darkness of hallways in which they were crammed and treated like completely sub-human creatures as if they had no hopes, dreams, desires, and aspirations. Their lives meant nothing in the eyes of the Third Reich, and the people of whom put them in power fully supported the extermination of Jews, Gypsies, and Homosexuals in Europe during World War II.
Never again will I complain about something as trivial as tomato accidentally being put on my sandwich. Never again will I get upset about someone driving or walking too slow in front of me, even if it's making me late. Never again will I forget to tell someone how much I love them, and what they truly mean to me, nor let them forget it. Never again will I allow someone to be bullied and be treated less than human. Never again will I take someone or something for granted.
Despite it being 60 years after these camps being closed, you walk around and feel the death, terror, and suffering that occurred in between the barbed wired fences. Off in the distance you hear trains and imagine people being transported there in large numbers where about 1/4th of the people didn't even survive the trip. Those that did were taken right to the gas chambers usually. In order to reduce panic, they were told they were going to "shower". Some were burnt completely alive.
There are dozens of visitors over the several acres of the camps, but they all observe in silence as they try to process the atrocities. The unexpected cry of a child breaks the silence, and sends a huge chill down your spine. The winds howls; the leaves bristle loudly as if they are trying to talk to you. Rain clouds cover the sky; the sun disappears... along with your shadow... just as easily as all the people who perished in these camps.
No words I type can properly express the feelings I felt this day... none. Today really is the first day of the rest of my life. I will never see life in the same light again... ever. Each day will be a new chance to make something better, and to make something better the best, for myself and as many others as I can.
I challenge you to do the same if you aren't already. After all, it's all the small things that make life worth living.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Life goes on...
The more things change, the more things stay the same.
I've made efforts to start reconnecting with friends back at home. Just the other day, I was hit hard with homesickness, and was looking for ANY reason to just find my way back home. But what good would that do?
I've been very fortunate to see some very cool places here in Europe. I've seen and done things I never thought I'd ever like doing, and certain things have changed my outlook on life, myself, the ones I love, and made me reevaluate values. Having had this affect, I've just accepted that I should always be willing to try something once... even if I think I may not like it.
In the end, I'm still me, and my life is waiting for me back at home... but life back at home will never be the same, and I shouldn't accept it as something I should just dive right back into, and move on in the "race"-- only fulfilling my one piece of the puzzle. Instead of creating a new puzzle for others to solve, I have whole size billboards to bring back, and share all my experiences in one large fell swoop.
That's how you live life, learn, and share.
I've made efforts to start reconnecting with friends back at home. Just the other day, I was hit hard with homesickness, and was looking for ANY reason to just find my way back home. But what good would that do?
I've been very fortunate to see some very cool places here in Europe. I've seen and done things I never thought I'd ever like doing, and certain things have changed my outlook on life, myself, the ones I love, and made me reevaluate values. Having had this affect, I've just accepted that I should always be willing to try something once... even if I think I may not like it.
In the end, I'm still me, and my life is waiting for me back at home... but life back at home will never be the same, and I shouldn't accept it as something I should just dive right back into, and move on in the "race"-- only fulfilling my one piece of the puzzle. Instead of creating a new puzzle for others to solve, I have whole size billboards to bring back, and share all my experiences in one large fell swoop.
That's how you live life, learn, and share.
Friday, May 1, 2009
I will survive!
I ended up spending an entire week in Prague. I can only describe that city in one word: magical!
At first I was alone, I was petrified... never thought I could do it without someone by my side. I spend the first couple nights, thinking how I did me wrong, I grew strong.... I learned how to carry on...
And now I'm back! From outer space! I walked in to find me there with that sad look upon my face. I should busted that stupid lock, should have threw the key away, had I known for just one second I'd be back to bother.... the old me!
I went on, and walked out the door. Because I'm welcome in this whole new world now. I thought I'd hurt myself when I said Goodbye. I thought I'd crumble, and lay right down and die.
But no... I will survive! As long as I know how to love, I know I will stay alive. I've got all my life to live. I've got all my love to give, and I'll surive.
I *WILL* survive.
And Whateva! I do what I want!
At first I was alone, I was petrified... never thought I could do it without someone by my side. I spend the first couple nights, thinking how I did me wrong, I grew strong.... I learned how to carry on...
And now I'm back! From outer space! I walked in to find me there with that sad look upon my face. I should busted that stupid lock, should have threw the key away, had I known for just one second I'd be back to bother.... the old me!
I went on, and walked out the door. Because I'm welcome in this whole new world now. I thought I'd hurt myself when I said Goodbye. I thought I'd crumble, and lay right down and die.
But no... I will survive! As long as I know how to love, I know I will stay alive. I've got all my life to live. I've got all my love to give, and I'll surive.
I *WILL* survive.
And Whateva! I do what I want!
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