Helen Keller in Europe

I am officially in Central Europe now, and away from what I like to call, The Big Three - Spain, France, and Germany. I thought at times I could not communicate in Spain despite having a great grip on Spanish, but in the Czech Republic, I am unable to communicate with barely anyone at all. In fact, I cannot even express myself correctly using a Czech keyboard. Everything looks like ůěůčůžůáářčšíéřčýžýí. Or what Brian calls box-square-triangle. I knew Geometry would come in handy some day!

I may as well be a deaf-mute. On the plus side, everything here is very cheap, and I can get a great 0,5 liter beer for just a little over 1USD, or 27 Crowns. I do a lot of pointing, and I pull out a handful of coins trusting the cashier will take the right amount of money from me. I feel rich having so much money on me, and perhaps this is the only advantage I have in a culture where I can hardly communicate.

So here I am, hiding in an internet cafe hiding from a culture where I feel like a complete outsider. I should stop being a damn baby, research some basic Czech phrases, and get out to see more of this beautiful city. In fact, it is one of the few cities not destroyed during World War II.

To think Prague is just the start of my path in Central and Eastern Europe kind of frightens me. Slavic languages make my blood curdle, and seem as though there are no vowels. Maybe if I buzz like a bee and pretend I am choking when I talk I will be understood, but I dont want to be that ignornant American abroad that everyone hates.

Next!

Moving Eastward

Long time, no update. Better now than never.

Since last, I've been all over Southern Spain, Amsterdam, Berlin, and now in Düsseldorf heading to Köln (Cologne) later this afternoon.

I went back and read all the earlier posts since I arrived in Europe. I laughed at some of them, scoffed at one, and in a few, painfully relived what was going on through my mind at those moments. I'm starting not to recognize the person I was before I came here, or the how I grew into what I've become. It's liberating, and in some ways, stressful, because I know I've changed in ways that I cannot explain yet.

What is the main thing I have learned about myself, I'm sure the question begs...

All my life, I kept up a huge wall: the less anyone knows about me, the less anyone knows how to hurt me. Nearly two years ago, I sat down to breakfast with my great friend Mike when he was visiting me in San Francisco. I told him about this "wall". He looked at me with a confused and concerned face, wondering why.

It wasn't until about a week ago I realized the impact this "wall" has had on my life. People who have known me for years feel like they don't know me at all, and my life has been one huge drama, masking my true needs, wants, desires, and true self. Then, I realized I didn't even know myself....

Someday, I will write a book going into greater detail about these things, and how it's helped me better understand myself and the world, etc. To make a long story short, I've realized that the more someone knows about me, the more they know how to help me. In fact, no one will know what you want unless you speak the fuck up, right?

In closing... Dear World: you've really seen nothing yet... Bring it.