Moving Eastward

Long time, no update. Better now than never.

Since last, I've been all over Southern Spain, Amsterdam, Berlin, and now in Düsseldorf heading to Köln (Cologne) later this afternoon.

I went back and read all the earlier posts since I arrived in Europe. I laughed at some of them, scoffed at one, and in a few, painfully relived what was going on through my mind at those moments. I'm starting not to recognize the person I was before I came here, or the how I grew into what I've become. It's liberating, and in some ways, stressful, because I know I've changed in ways that I cannot explain yet.

What is the main thing I have learned about myself, I'm sure the question begs...

All my life, I kept up a huge wall: the less anyone knows about me, the less anyone knows how to hurt me. Nearly two years ago, I sat down to breakfast with my great friend Mike when he was visiting me in San Francisco. I told him about this "wall". He looked at me with a confused and concerned face, wondering why.

It wasn't until about a week ago I realized the impact this "wall" has had on my life. People who have known me for years feel like they don't know me at all, and my life has been one huge drama, masking my true needs, wants, desires, and true self. Then, I realized I didn't even know myself....

Someday, I will write a book going into greater detail about these things, and how it's helped me better understand myself and the world, etc. To make a long story short, I've realized that the more someone knows about me, the more they know how to help me. In fact, no one will know what you want unless you speak the fuck up, right?

In closing... Dear World: you've really seen nothing yet... Bring it.