Spring has Sprung!

In a metaphorical context, this expression suits my life situation perfectly right now.

I came to Spain a little over two months ago a very self-disliked person. Today, I've realized that I'm not such a bad person after all. I've done some pretty fucked up things in my life, and I've had some pretty fucked up things happen to me as well. How have a learned to deal with all of this?

Live for today.

I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for all the "fucked up" things I've done or have had happen to me. Right now, I'm the happiest I could ever remember myself being... ever. I'm not constantly looking for the next best thing to do. Also, while I've not quite discovered what it is that I want *exactly*, I have a much better idea than I did before I came to Europe. Furthermore, I no longer hide behind the elusive expression: "I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want."

Living for today is absolutely beautiful. It's beautiful to wake up in the morning and just know you have things to do or get accomplished, and at the end of the day, you release it all, and put it to rest when you fall asleep. Each day is Spring for me as it's a new beginning, and a gift from the universe to allow you the beauty of existence and consciousness that is defined through our language and subsequent culture... a different language and culture in my case.

Spain may be very first world, but when it comes to simple, routine things, I simply just can't get certain things done as quickly or efficiently as I once had always been able to. Where do I go to buy pocket folders, clothes pins, insoles for my shoes, post card stamps. What do I do if my Metro pass gets demagnetized? How do I talk my way out of getting a ticket for not having my Metro pass? What happens if.... (insert situation here)?

Honestly, there are some things I am absolutely petrified of happening. What happens if I have a run-in with the law, or if I have a crime committed against me? How do I handle not being completely understood, or not understood at all? How do I handle being judged incorrectly... how do I know if I was really judged at all?

The uncertainty of each new day has many challenges in my case. If I were back in the States, I wouldn't have to worry about any of this, and in fact, I would simply take it all for granted, because no matter what would happen back in the States, I'd always have a solution. It's my homebase; it's my culture. I'd be able to handle anything.

Now, I'm not sure I'd be able to handle anything at all here. Being here makes me not take these situations for granted. While I haven't had anything too crazy happen to me here yet, aside of embarrassing cultural quips, I wonder about it all the time because I'm constantly having to activate my forward-thinking skills here. What has *this* taught me?

Think and process before even thinking, and definitely before speaking. Now that I think, read, speak, listen, and write in two languages every day now, I most certainly do a lot of thinking and processing.

Not only is each day a new day, but each moment is too. Life is full of these lovely moments, and not one of them should be take for granted. Be glad that you are right here, right now... reading this, understanding it, and giving it meaning.

In fact, all of this means nothing at all... you gave it meaning... not I.