Disconnecting

I'm not what happened to me; I'm who I chose to become.

Think about this... negative or positive, you should not represent what has happened to you, but rather just be the person you chose to become as a result of it.

There has been no better place than Spain to help me realize this peculiar difference. It was easy to run off to DC and San Francisco, to the middle of nowhere, and to the middle of my frustrated fears. Instead of making me better, it made me worse.

What's different this time? Instead of hating myself for who and why I am the way I am, I took responsibility for my past, owned it, forgave myself and others who have wronged me, and moved on to make a better life for myself. There is no better place to do that when you're completely out of your element and culture that tends to dictate and define you rather than realizing what is best for yourself. When you are stuck with yourself, you start to realize what's important to you and what you want out of life.

This trip has, in just three weeks, helped me rewire the life support system I've stayed reluctantly connected to, and there's no longer a shortage in the switch nor drugs being pumped to keep me afloat. Instead, I've disconnected myself to grow because *I* am responsible for who I become.

If you missed the metaphor, this trip feels like self-psychiatry without all the arm-chair bullshit, insurance companies, and medications.