Spanish Zombie

I feel like I need brains because mine is completely made of applesauce right now. No, I didn't go to a Rave last night and do every drug in the book, but I tell you... 4 hours a day of pure Spanish instruction is outright brutal.

At first, I was not happy with my placement. There are levels 1-7, seven being the highest. Then, each level has a subdivision of three. I was expecting to get placed into the 5 level, like 5-1 or 5-2, but I was placed in 3-2!!! Instead of throwing a hissy fit, I decided to just go to class and see how it went, and if it were too easy, then I'd request, not demand, to be moved up.

Well, I was put in my place, literally and figuratively. All four hours of my classes the first day were instructed in Spanish, no exceptions. I really don't think the professores even bothered to slow down to accomodate the class of foreigners. Well, needless to say, I only understood right around 50% of what was said. Maybe less. While the actual material was quite remedial for me, I rested myself assured that it would only escalate at a rapid pace through the quarter. As the week has gone on, I've been right so far.

So, right now, around 95% of my daily language use is in Spanish. That's triple that it was just last weekend. This "transition" period is very tough, but I'm not giving up. While there are times I want to get visibly upset and frustrated, I cope or find coping mechanisms. I try, for instance, to repeat EVERYTHING said in my head, in Spanish, in an effort to listen and process the language more naturally. After all, that's how I learned English, right?

How do I explain it: most of the Spanish going through my head now, I have NO IDEA what it is, or what it means. Can you imagine thinking, speaking, and listening to words, phrases, and sentences that you have NO IDEA what they mean?? Well, step back for a moment and think of my much English words, phrases, and sentences flow through your head. You know what they mean, but in whole, you do it, "without thinking" or knowing the full extent of the meaning... that's the point I'm at now, but definitely not fluid or fluent enough with Spanish... yet.

I will still never forget a certain moment in my childhood when I was talking to my Aunt Laura. We were talking about languages and Spanish. I had to have been no younger than seven. I asked her, "How to they (Spanish speakers) know what they're saying if they don't speak English? " And she responded with, "How do *you* know what *you* are saying (if you don't speak Spanish)?" My face and mind went blank.

While that was always meant to be a rhetorical question to me, and I've pondered over it for years, I think I kind of just "get it" now, as far as what she meant and what she wanted me to think about. Spanish and English are just languages that have different ways of expressing needs, wants, fears, desires, voltion, and and the ability to develop loving and lasting relationships with people of your culture, and ultimately that, of the world.

1.5 languages down, 6998.5+ more to go! Okay, that's too ambitious, but hey, I am known to excel in with what others doubt me.